I cant be like that. I attempted to be so dumb to act like a girl and be on a boy’s dick, but thats all it is: an act. And I gotta call myself out for being a dumb bitch to try to be that way.
Let me tell u what i been going through: me and he spend some exclusive time together. im the peacemaker and lawyer named by my parents and grandparents cuz i hate confrontation. but just like clockwork, when the going gets great, this man has the ability to push me to the point where i be ranting raving hollering looking silly and stupid. i act like i dont see him, but the nerve of this boy, he over there in the corner peeping at me, laughing, well at least smiling. Why? dunno. he's sadistic.
So, i feel bad and embarassed cuz that aint nothing i do in front of anybody or even by myself on my darkest day. Im fretting at work, cant think straight cuz im wondering if he still respects me even though hes the one that had a part in me getting that way. Is he gonna call me like he said he would? Is this really his real phone number? Just a joke, gotta lighten it up a bit. There is no reason for me to be feeling this way about this dude and he hasnt shown that he dont feel as much as me. When we were out and about gettin it in good and spending quality time, i could see that he was feeling it, but he was pulling back like a mug!!
I mean we was in Jamaica for God's sake!! So we chillin under the moon with a nice breeze coming off the sea. we sittin on the beach. im singing, to noone in particular but feeling good, so he could think i was singing to him cuz i felt that comfortable around him so why in 10 minutes his mood change to him wanting to kick the ass of some dude thats trying to sell shit on the beach? To make shit worse, he storms off and claims he has to use the bathroom and then comes back to retrieve me on a nearby hammock like im a forgotten wine glass.
I left my shoes on the beach and made him go get it. But then what did he do when we went to the bar? He sits with the bartender and figuratively spits in my face and tells him that we're just friends and that he's single and shit. Blah blah blah. how disrespectful?! I mean its true but why u gotta say it like u bout to go find some pussy?
Like u asking the bartender where's the nearest whore house??!! Bitch, u dont know me so Imma let you know:
Im better than that. In fact I'm better than you. Just cuz a bitch told u that she like u and wanna be with you, please dont get that shit twisted and think u can treat me like them other broads! U not dealing with ordinary people! I've stood for lesser shit from people I liked more than you. So why stoop to his level? I shouldn't cuz i really dont know what i have to gain out of getting with him. (okay, thats a lie, he got some good qualities) I scare him. who i am and how wise i am for my age and my positivity and optimism, hope, faith and love scare him and he's not there yet. He probably doesn't know where it comes from and because hes not there, he's intimidated. So just like them men that beat they wives or girlfriends, he tries to knock me down a peg.
He be claiming that he want me to be more expressive in my emotions especially with him. Let him know what im feeling. Good and dandy. I can do that. No big deal, I'll work on it cuz thats just how much I like you. But why you gonna sit there thinking u perfect and u can do no wrong when I tell you that you purposely be pushing my buttons.
Yall, tell me if Im crazy. i will admit it when i am, but this man be doing some shit that I dont get and he know it.