I am from the State of New York, the City of New York, the Borough of Brooklyn. Born and raised, which i am very proud of. I know no other way growing up and now that I looked back, I wouldn't trade it for the world. When I was a kid, I never thought about how anyone else lived if they werent surrounded by beautiful historic brownstones that told struggle stories of Dutch, Italian and West Indian immigrants living free in America. I couldn't fathom how growing up would be without the necessary oasis of Prospect Park, where it served as my jungle slash forest. I lived in that park! I knew it like the back of my hand.Ufortunately, so did the bums, the sex crazed teenagers and the pedofiles that used to (probably still do...) wave their winkies at people. That is sooooo not the point.

I loved my stoop, for all you other non-city people, that's the porch attached to an apartment building. I loved skylines... correction, I LOVE skylines and rooftops in New York. When I was in elementary school, all the way up to High School, I always had a seat by the window. I have had my fair share of being called on only to not remember the last 30 minutes of class due to staring lazily at rooftops. I loved walking down the street jumping past cracks on the sidewalk, to ensure my mom never fractured her vertebrae. I loved dodging through traffic just to cross the street and go to the corner store.

What im trying to say is New York is in me. No matter how many other contries i live in, or how long I reside in different states, Brooklyn will always be me. Even if I have lost the accent a little and I dont dress like a new yorker, when I tap into my memories, there's me living on Rogers avenue. Me on Eastern Parkway. Me on Flatbush. It is woven into my DNA, intertwined with my core, every fiber of my being. I am a product of BK. I may not be the typical NYer you meet, but that's okay because I know where I came from.

When I moved from New York to Jville during high school, i was so in love with new york that i had withdrawls for the next 9 years. I still do at times, long to just be surrounded by new york. I am sure people feel that way about where they spent their childhood. But New york is like no other place. I can't finish this entry. i found some pics of my old neighborhood, and i am back into the state of awe, so much love flowing.... GOD i love new york.

http://web.honorscollege.cuny.edu/student-projects/2005/neighborhoods/17/hist1.htm

wh...wh...who's there???

There is something seriously wrong with me! I'm convinced! I just may need counseling to get over this "thing" I have. I am 100%, without a doubt, a para-noid. There's no word to describe me but to say that I possess the essence of the word. Eau de paranoid. And u know the bad thing: there's nothing in my past or childhood that warrants my behaviors (i'll get into it a little later on). Seriously though, I've been blessed enough not to be raped, chased down by a mob, or mugged on the street. I was raised in Brooklyn, New York and attended a junior high school where the 1st floor of the school was off limits to anyone with a 'do that resembled jheri curls (lets just say flame-on.) You never wanted to keep pyour back to anyone because, well u might be missing a ponytail, or your jansport might be ripped off your back. Hey, that kind of stuff just happened. Not too serious!

Anyways, i dont see how that would make me as anxious as I am now when I find myself walking alone! It's like at night when I get off work and I gotta walk back to my room, maybe a 5 minute walk. Piece of cake. Okay, now you've seen Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Remember when Jessica Biel was running for her life with the masked dude like 10 steps behind her? That's me. Oh, except there's no man, and i'm walking in an open field. And THERE IS NOONE BEHIND ME!! But I always feel like there is! I'm constantly looking at shadows to see if that guy thats been following me is nearby... Sometimes I even get bold enuf to turn around and face him. You know what? No one... surprised, huh? I even have a knife on me. I once made the mistake of telling a co-worker that I carry it with me everywhere. He couldnt figure out why and there was nothing I could say to make him understand. Because I already know im crazy, explaining it would just make me look even crazier...

So that's not the worst of it!! I'm horrible at work. I sit in an office with 3-6 other people at any given time. Why, oh tell me why, is it that everytime somebody gets behind me, i look at them like: So, you DO want to be shanked is what you're saying??" I just dont like it when someone gets behind my chair and remains there longer than the 5 seconds it takes for them to keep it moving. Oh, did I mention that the phone is behind me? Yeah I let them talk, but if they just sitting there and aint calling someone, then i almost ALWAYS turn around to see whats wrong. Oh, i failed to divulge that the food pantry/shelf is behind me too! Oh, well, I mean how hungry are you? And do you have to stand there for 5 minutes tryng to figure out what u want? And NO if u keep staring, that stale popcorn is NOT gonna turn into some bbQ spare ribs (mmmmm mudbutt...) ive already tried it and it dont work, now MOVE!

The good thing about the guys that I work with is that they dont pay me ANY mind!! In fact, i dont even think they caught on as to exactly how paranoid I am!! i mean if only they knew, they could give me a heart-attack. Easy! I mean all it takes is a tap on my shoulder and u gotta peal me off the moon, let alone the ceiling. I am at their mercy until I realize there is no Boogey Man, candy man, Freddy, or whoever your childhood monster was. Because there definitely isnt anyone following me! Dag, i need help.... Pray for me!