Sunday, January 31, 2010

Relationship issues.

women are hurt by the lies men give. Men lie in order to prevent hurting women. Women feel if men were truthful in the first place this would never happen. Men are indecisive to the last minute. It takes a lot for them to live with their decisions by being true to themselves and others. How does this cycle stop?

Each person in this relationship can only see their pain and struggle. When do we stop obsessing over our own problems to try and empathize and understand what our partners go through. It doesn't have to be a war.

Friday, January 08, 2010

Sign... focus on where you want to be.

Finding strength in adversity

A few years ago, the book The Secret came out and was a pop-culture rage. It wasn't a new idea, but it was packaged nicely and the concept did reach a new audience with the message that our life will follow our thoughts. What you expect is what you get, and what you expect is a matter of making a conscious decision. Dwell on negative thoughts and guess what you get? A negative life. Dwell on positive thoughts and receive an entirely different result — same person, same situation — but an entirely different destiny.

Wise words

Someone I know had divulged to me that she was not liking the vibe that someone was giving her. My uncle said great and listen to your gut. If you are getting a vibe, then listen to it.

I am having a reaction to some people. After a while of being their friends, I cant seem to want to be around them as much as usual. I feel bad about it, but theres nothing I can do about it. I realize now that its for my protection. Something within me is being alerted and is compelled to stay away from them and i guess my brain senses danger (whether perceived or real, I dont know) and wants nothing to do with them. I have to put thought into this because my mind plays tricks on me a lot. I have to figure out if this is logical and find the reality in this. It was wise for my uncle to say this, but at the same time, I can take things out of hand.

Signs, yet again

Don't worry about the moment if it is negative and unpleasent but not that serious.

Dont drag the last moment into the next. Release the feelings by not paying attention to them.

Cultivate present moment awareness. In order to be happy physically, we must be happy spiritually.

Yesterday, The author of Quirkology was talking about being aware. If you are in deep thought or concentration on something, you lose sight of other things. Its like selective surveying of our environment. We make assumptions of everything every day because it is not possible for our minds to relearn every little thing. You assume that for instance it is cold outside becasue someone out your window has a coat on. Instead of going outside to feel the cold and having to waste time surveying the tempurature, your brain makes assumptions based on observation. The problem lies when we make assumptions about things that are not important or we do it too often. Anyway, a study was done where ppl had to look at a tape on basketball players. they had to count how many times the ball was passed. While focusing on this, they totally missed the gorilla that stepped onto the court and beat his chest. Focus focus focus. When there was a competition or extra pressure, only 5% saw the gorilla, versus an average of 10%.

Yesterday night I was helping a friend about someone that has anxiety. I explained to her for about an hour how to deal with her, what its like in her head and how to help her if she so chooses. Basically a lot of the things I said I ended up watching on tv the next day. Not word for word, but Its apparent this guy had some mental problems and learned how not to worry or become depressed.

Today I am watching Mr Jose Villegas III and he is basically explaining the same things that i said to my friend. We think a lot and our attention/mind can only be focused on one thing. He says "present moment awareness" is what is important to focus on every day. Anyway, back to our mind and its capacity of focus. We can either focus on thoughts or the momoent, Our thoughts can be ruled by emotions and if we focus too much, then thats when my anxiety kicks in. Be focused on the moment. To me, thats usually when I stop whatever I am doing, take a deep breath, and look around me. Look at the thing on the wall, look at my hands and just observe things. It allows my mind to reset and stop thinking and spiral with bad thoughts fueled by emotions that may not even be founded.

He says once you start judging people you actually judging yourself because you are using yourself as a basis. I specifically said that to my friend b/c sometimes when I drive, i get hyper about when people cut me off or drive not to my liking. I realized i was doing that because I was creating anger and rage unnecessarily because I was holding every driver on the road to the standards that I created for myself. These standards are not set in stone, but they work for me. I dont realize there are more than way to do things so other driving styles work. Plus I am creating this insanely ruley and focused environment and unnecessarily and unfairly holding other people to thoose standards.

What is interesting to me is that I am sitting here worried about school and how I need this and how I need that degree, says who? Well im putting all this pressure on myself for no reason! If i am meant to be successful at what I like, degree or not, I will be successful. And how am I defining the word successful? I successfully was able to share my experiences of anxiety with a friend. I didn't need to go to school for that? Plus here is this man, who looks pretty much successful, he is on televison sharing his experiences of God and reaching out to countless people on knowledge on what he calls "Emotional prison". Who is to say he is not successful, degree or not. I bet I could probably find a similar career without finishing my degree. It's like what I was tellign my friend yesterday anyway, I was not satisfied with my other job and I decided to start school and that appeased my dissatisfaction. I figured I go to school and earn a degree towards psychology and that should give me some control. I am in an entirely different profession and it would be very difficult (how would I know??) to just jump into another profession. I basically put paint on a rusty car. I'm dropping out of my Childhood and Family Development class. Too much pressure.

I feel like I make decissions that sounded good at the time, but then when the luster wears off, i realized the real motive behind it and I've duped myself. Why?!

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Another Symbol

Women and religion and spirituality. I was listening to NPR and they were talking about a lady who died recently, Mary Daly. She was a radical lesbian feminist. She generally didn't talk to men, she was a teacher at Boston College there were at first no women. When, in 1999, she attempted to have an all female roster, a male student sued the school. She claimed that he didn't meet all prerequisites. She further explained men in classrooms with women are very disruptive. Women act differently, being ridiculed by their responses and interactions and feel the need to dress up or look presentable for the opposite sex.

Anyway, two very important things I heard is that she fought with the Catholic church and believed that trinity originated from triple goddesses in ancient history. Also she fought about the fact that women are being robbed of things by the patriarcy. Stolen are our creativity, creative energies, and religion. Women are being excluded in this male-dominated world.

So as I am on Paulo Coelho's website, he is interviewed speaking on women's exclusions and God the mother.


Sword fight.

I figuratively got peed on. Two guys marked me as their territory. One guy defends his pick-up technique by saying he TRIED hitting on me and look where it got him. one squirt from the wiggler.

Then the other guy (that has a girlfriend, just marked the 1 year anniversary) says, oh yeah guy, it takes a while to get on her good side. I've been working on getting with her long-term. Long long term. One more squirt.

I should feel flattered, however I dont. I just sat there with a grin on my face shaking my head "yes! whatever you say".

that conversation was meant for the first guy to know that the second guy is interested in me even if he does have a girl and that he does not allow the first guy to even think that getting with me is an option. Sigh, men.

Signs and symbols

How do you know when something is a sign? I received two separate things where teaching was something that was spoken about once, then I ran across it again in a book. Teach in order to learn about the lessons you don't know anything about.

Today: fear. Fear keeps you from your potential. Fear of failure and disappointment keeps many people from dong many things. Life is "regular" all planned out. Fear to break the mold and follow your heart can lead to an early grave. How do youexpect to acheive your dreams if you are afraid?

Two things kept me going towards fear. Steve Harvey has an article in Sister Sister. He talks about instilling the freedom of fear from man. The Witch of Portobello by Paulo Coelho. In the book, a protector talks about the two traditions. One is the same thing done over and over, the other is the one that allows you to go into the realm of the unknowing.

I was driving in major fear last week when there was ice on the roads. I had major fear of driving in that lane all the way on the left. Look at all that slick ice, I said to myself. Fear talked to me and I did not let it dictate my path. I decided to just do what fear wanted me to avoid. I drove on the ice. It was rough, yet smooth. It was a little slippery, but my car didnt go into a major fishtail. I experienced something so new to me. Something so not like me and out of the normal realm of my reality. Driving on ice! What a feat! What a small act that takes 2 seconds, but what a life lesson I learned. I have gained a lot of experience and knowledge and wisdom from that day with the ice.

1. Fear can disallow you to go where you belong: your destiny.
2. Fear doesn't always make sense, is rash, and demands too much time.
3. You can make it past that threshhold and when you do, oh how sweet it is!

Go with Jesus

Grandma, not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I am forever grateful for the knowledge you've instilled in me as well as the inspiration for a quest of wisdom.

I think sometimes about how many other cherished moments we have been robbed of since your abrupt departure.

There are so many unanswered questions I have for you. So many open-ended conversations we had.

There's that burning response you told me you'd give about my nose ring. You said you were going to tell me later.

I never push you for your responses because I know God tells you when it's right for you to let me know what I am ready to hear and receive.

I was very interested in what you were going to tell me.

Now I will never know.