Thursday, January 17, 2008


Today will be the first day of hopefully many days that I will not have a drink. Since about the 20th of December I have gotten drunk or drank an alcoholic beverage every single day. Including yesterday. I can count on one hand when I didn't drink and why.

Wednesday January 2nd because I was sleep all day.
Friday January 4th because I had to drive to New York.
Sunday January 6th because I had to drove home.
Saturday January 12th because I was too depressed.

That's all. Told you one hand. The sad thing is that I've been telling everyone that I have been abusing alcohol and that my new hobby is drinking. I say it in a matter-of-factly way and it kind of seems that people ignore me or choose not to comment.

This leads me to think about two things:

1) wow, if something was really wrong and I was really in danger of hurting myself, I would be screwed because ALL the people I help, not one of them gave or are giving me the support that I give them when they are half as fucked up as I am right now.

2)ain't nobody in my life that important that i get so carried away with my emotions that I destroy myself like that. Not now and never again!

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