Saturday, January 19, 2008


Oh I cant take this anymore! I dont want him to call me no more.

I met this dude.... WAIT STOP THE PRESS!! Im having all these problems with the dudes i met when i was whoring! Is this a coincidence? I THINK NOT! Cuz this shit aint right!!

Anyways, Chris calls me occasionally to hook up and since this other dude called me yesterday twice it reminded me of Chris. Well maybe its a coincidence that he called me. anyways we talked and i appreciate the fact that he said: Hey whats up with you and me? And I said what was on my mind: He has a girlfriend and i dont trust myself around him. Well he says were both grown so if the attraction is there then it will happen. Well, yeah, that means if we fuck, then we fuck, but i know thats whats gonna happen because thats the only shit we did when we were talking. The only thing and im not sure if I like him for any other reason. He said he doesn't like rejection which is why he is still trying to screw me after me not seeing him for 3 years. Shit, 3 years, let that shit go!

I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE! I promised myself yesterday that i am not going to meet up with any dude i still talk to that i had a half romantic relationship with. Not ever again. I am not rekindling anything. I will talk about my boyfriend and explain that I value myself more than just fucking anyone. I know im worth it, but i know that my actions never showed that. I think guys encounter girls that dont want commitment and just want physical and think the same thing: insecure, needs attention, needs some man no matter how he treats you.

Why and how do I keep meeting these men in my life that think they are God's gift to women? That they need a stable of women? Why? Because, sadly, I think I'm the same way. I like and love every man I encounter. There's something in all of them that I like and love and maybe I cant accept all the qualities in them i take what i can get and am happy with that because, quite frankly, I am not commitment material. Never have been. My longest relationship was with Anthony and it lasted 11 months. And through the whole time, I was itching to be single like Tyrone needs crack!


1 comment:

quarter-life-crisis said...

I think (nah I know) I have some of the same issues. I too have excommunicated all past men. I also said that I will no longer actively sought out men. Now if they come to me.... that is a different story!! But seriously, 2008 is all about me and I am learning to be ALONE and not LONELY.