Sunday, December 24, 2006

I am from the State of New York, the City of New York, the Borough of Brooklyn. Born and raised, which i am very proud of. I know no other way growing up and now that I looked back, I wouldn't trade it for the world. When I was a kid, I never thought about how anyone else lived if they werent surrounded by beautiful historic brownstones that told struggle stories of Dutch, Italian and West Indian immigrants living free in America. I couldn't fathom how growing up would be without the necessary oasis of Prospect Park, where it served as my jungle slash forest. I lived in that park! I knew it like the back of my hand.Ufortunately, so did the bums, the sex crazed teenagers and the pedofiles that used to (probably still do...) wave their winkies at people. That is sooooo not the point.

I loved my stoop, for all you other non-city people, that's the porch attached to an apartment building. I loved skylines... correction, I LOVE skylines and rooftops in New York. When I was in elementary school, all the way up to High School, I always had a seat by the window. I have had my fair share of being called on only to not remember the last 30 minutes of class due to staring lazily at rooftops. I loved walking down the street jumping past cracks on the sidewalk, to ensure my mom never fractured her vertebrae. I loved dodging through traffic just to cross the street and go to the corner store.

What im trying to say is New York is in me. No matter how many other contries i live in, or how long I reside in different states, Brooklyn will always be me. Even if I have lost the accent a little and I dont dress like a new yorker, when I tap into my memories, there's me living on Rogers avenue. Me on Eastern Parkway. Me on Flatbush. It is woven into my DNA, intertwined with my core, every fiber of my being. I am a product of BK. I may not be the typical NYer you meet, but that's okay because I know where I came from.

When I moved from New York to Jville during high school, i was so in love with new york that i had withdrawls for the next 9 years. I still do at times, long to just be surrounded by new york. I am sure people feel that way about where they spent their childhood. But New york is like no other place. I can't finish this entry. i found some pics of my old neighborhood, and i am back into the state of awe, so much love flowing.... GOD i love new york.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

wh...wh...who's there???

There is something seriously wrong with me! I'm convinced! I just may need counseling to get over this "thing" I have. I am 100%, without a doubt, a para-noid. There's no word to describe me but to say that I possess the essence of the word. Eau de paranoid. And u know the bad thing: there's nothing in my past or childhood that warrants my behaviors (i'll get into it a little later on). Seriously though, I've been blessed enough not to be raped, chased down by a mob, or mugged on the street. I was raised in Brooklyn, New York and attended a junior high school where the 1st floor of the school was off limits to anyone with a 'do that resembled jheri curls (lets just say flame-on.) You never wanted to keep pyour back to anyone because, well u might be missing a ponytail, or your jansport might be ripped off your back. Hey, that kind of stuff just happened. Not too serious!

Anyways, i dont see how that would make me as anxious as I am now when I find myself walking alone! It's like at night when I get off work and I gotta walk back to my room, maybe a 5 minute walk. Piece of cake. Okay, now you've seen Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Remember when Jessica Biel was running for her life with the masked dude like 10 steps behind her? That's me. Oh, except there's no man, and i'm walking in an open field. And THERE IS NOONE BEHIND ME!! But I always feel like there is! I'm constantly looking at shadows to see if that guy thats been following me is nearby... Sometimes I even get bold enuf to turn around and face him. You know what? No one... surprised, huh? I even have a knife on me. I once made the mistake of telling a co-worker that I carry it with me everywhere. He couldnt figure out why and there was nothing I could say to make him understand. Because I already know im crazy, explaining it would just make me look even crazier...

So that's not the worst of it!! I'm horrible at work. I sit in an office with 3-6 other people at any given time. Why, oh tell me why, is it that everytime somebody gets behind me, i look at them like: So, you DO want to be shanked is what you're saying??" I just dont like it when someone gets behind my chair and remains there longer than the 5 seconds it takes for them to keep it moving. Oh, did I mention that the phone is behind me? Yeah I let them talk, but if they just sitting there and aint calling someone, then i almost ALWAYS turn around to see whats wrong. Oh, i failed to divulge that the food pantry/shelf is behind me too! Oh, well, I mean how hungry are you? And do you have to stand there for 5 minutes tryng to figure out what u want? And NO if u keep staring, that stale popcorn is NOT gonna turn into some bbQ spare ribs (mmmmm mudbutt...) ive already tried it and it dont work, now MOVE!

The good thing about the guys that I work with is that they dont pay me ANY mind!! In fact, i dont even think they caught on as to exactly how paranoid I am!! i mean if only they knew, they could give me a heart-attack. Easy! I mean all it takes is a tap on my shoulder and u gotta peal me off the moon, let alone the ceiling. I am at their mercy until I realize there is no Boogey Man, candy man, Freddy, or whoever your childhood monster was. Because there definitely isnt anyone following me! Dag, i need help.... Pray for me!

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Roses don't smell like poo-poo!! Poo-Poo smells like poo-poo!

Why cant women just stop being so uptight sometimes and talk about bodily functions?! We've been doing it our entire lives! Guys talk about it to each other all the time jokingly or seriously! WTF! Well, i'm one of those girls that don't talk about it seriously unless i want a reaction from someone... but that's beside the point. The reason I'm bringing this up is cuz there's this one lady that works in my building (and this is a little nasty so if u dont wanna hear about brown fish swimming in porcelain ponds, stop reading...) I don't even think she works on the same floor as me, but every day, same time, same stall, (no shame) she pulls off one of those toilet bowl sheet thingies and goes and does her business. SHe'll just smile, and walk in, and do her business. I wish i could just ask her: how are you so regular??!! I know, that's a filthy thing to ask someone, but some of the other ladies in the building are so much raunchier!!! I mean they leave streaks! For God's Sake! Please!!! Courtesy flush!! There needs to be a sign: BYOB: Brush before you flush! It gets worse! So one day i walk past a lady on my way to the bathroom... she's walking pretty fast once she sees me, but i think nothing of it, and I walk intoi the bathroom. As i come around the corner, the first stall is in full view! I look into the toilet because my eyes sensed movement, and it looks like there's somehting running across the rim! SO I scream and run out of the bathroom thinking that its a cockroach (i'm so silly) but then, my mind processes what my eyes see, that nasty lady didnt flush all her goods down the toilet and one was just swirling around, just hanging out and shit!! I told this story to male and female collegues (because, frankly i don't like the shit-n-run lady, at all!) Everyone was disgusted. I know, who tells poo stories just before lunch!!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

If a man wants you...

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends."
Afriend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then probably he is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better."
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything.
He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior.
Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important thatn you are... even if he has more education oir in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone elses man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...
compromise is a two way street.
You need time to heal between relationshoips...
there is nothing cute about baggage...
deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...
a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...
look for someone complimentary...
not supplementary.
Dating is fun...
even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...
when a man always knows where yo are,and you're always readily available to him, he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house.
Never co-sign for a man.(Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!)
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other ladies......You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

Monday, November 06, 2006


Today is a good day... Just because... even tho im in my office trying not to fall asleep... i was thinking about alot of stuff to write today but i forgot most of them... I will think of it later. i guess this is the truest form of a weblog, because most journals people write, nobody reads. and i think this here, i got the least exposure to outside eyes.

I haven't told any of my friends or family that i have this page so that when I write i can feel uninhibited, i almost told my cousin... well i told her about it, but i didnt tell her where it was. im sure she wont find it oin her own...

I am 24 but i still have the urge at times to rip out a page in a magazine of a picture that i like or inspires me. should i be worried? i hope not cuz i started making my own inspiration book... i've been getting subscriptions to a couple good magazines (Lucky and Domino) and they always seem to have alot of great atmospheres that they create for homes. I've started to rip those out too...

I'm thinking of maybe designing clothes (entirely on my free time) because I always seem to see stuff that I like... and think that I can improve on them. At times I have dreams of designs and stuff... i think that's kind of wierd, but I wish i could remember it so that i can make the clothing... I wish i could (4 of the worst words) have my own business where I just do creative stuff that I love. I paint rocks sometimes. They aren't the best paintings but they are neat and pretty... i wissh i could do that AND pay my bills with the money that would make... maybe bake goodies and design my own clothes... but could you imagine, could you IMAGINE walking in a store that sold art, clothes AND food!? a bit overboard if you ask me. Oh, and i would like to make pottery and paint china.

"I wish I could" are 4 of the worst words because really, there's nothing stopping me from it inthe first place.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Geez, i havent written in this in a while, i forgot i had this... probably cuz i have a myspace now and a journal so i just write in there... plus cuz noone ever leaves me comments so i really have no reason to believe that anybody is even looking at this page.... maybe if i add more... oh, when does the cycle end? so i guess i will be writing more. If u come upon this, please encourage me...