Thursday, January 06, 2011

im ttired of looking to everyone else to tell me whats wrong with me an how to fix it. its in me. iknow. tired of it.

in spite of my mess. i am thankful for my life. I will get through it. God bless me.

Unwavering steadfast determination to succeed. Love

why cant i balance my life?

what is it that makes me go from life being good? where is the balance board midle? why cant i keep there? what sparks me sliding towards the end where I feel like falling off?

is it too much of a good thing thinking things will b better for ever? amnesia of how life really is?

is it overburening of everyone issues on me?

is it not keeping up with the self love?

is it enjoying the peace too much?

is it something I will ever figure out in this lifetime?

have I been here before?


why when panic sets in, control is lost over the thing most feared of being taken away?

Focus on the thing you are afraid of losing and it will happen. law of attraction. wherever your thought, so will your energy go.

Its never too late to change

the older we get the more effed up our lives seem. not everyone...
the older we get the more things seem to fall into place. not everyone...

The thing is the oler we get, the more experiences we have that are the product of our patterns of behavior.

If you have good healthy behaviors, then they will build on themselves and positivity will increase.

Same for the unhealthy behaviors, patters, coping mechanisms. everything feeds off of everything. Nothing is isolated. Everything is connected. You will see the consequences of something seemingly minute as a bad childhood, witness to parents who were abusive, being spoiled as a child, early childhood sicknesses. these things are what mold our actions. We get stuck in a holing pattern we learn early on that should have been a temporary defense mechanism and everything in our life explodes. why? because that plug you used to stop the water from coming through was only supposed to last for a bit. it had a shelf life of, oh say 5 months but you've been going at the same route for 15 years.