Thursday, February 21, 2008

Cows are the Devil!!!

Being lactose intolerant sucks. It's when your guts can't break down the sugar lactose that is found in all dairy products. Your body's intestines don't produce enough lactate to process lactose when ingested. I have been lactose intolerant since 2000 when I joined the military. Coincidence? I think NOT! A whole bunch of stuff happened to me once I joined the Army... but I digressed. Back to being LI...
The pain and having to avoid certain foods was rough on me when I was first diagnosed! I loved dairy products more than you know! I was just like any average American that put cheese on EVERYTHING and I loved my chocolate milk. I even made my own concoction of milk with vanilla and sugar when we ran out of chocolate syrup.

In the beginning, staying away from certain foods was more traumatizing than what the symptoms were. I became lactose intolerant literally overnight when I was in the Army. Even after the doctor told me to stay away from dairy, I couldn't and wouldn't give it up that easy! One night when me and my boyfriend were at some rinky-dink sleazy motel, we got into a fight and I rebelled, ran out of the room and ate a whole tub of Cool Whip on the steps leading to the second-floor rooms (I was so dramatical back then... he probably had the TV on espn and I was bored or something). I received lots of pleasure with every spoonful! I was soothed by my choice of comfort food and enjoyed listening to R. Kelly's Twelve Play on repeat that was coming from the room nearest me. I kept thinking maybe the lactose intolerance wouldn’t be that bad this time. Besides, cool whip is light!!

But 6 hours from that point, the pain from that ordeal like all my other episodes was a wake-up call. I would be seized with so much pain that I couldn't stand up straight let alone walk. And the pain in my stomach was usually so quick to come on! Once, I was crossing the street when I got an episode. I doubled over as a car was coming and my friend had to run into the street to help me up.

I became depressed when I realized that I couldn't eat oatmeal drowned in milk for breakfast, macaroni and cheeze for lunch and cereal and ice cream for dinner. I was devastated. No lie!! I literally broke out in tears once when my friend asked me if I wanted some of her scratch-made mashed potatoes made with milk, cheese and sour cream lol!! I was so pissed and sad that I ran to my dorm room, cried and skipped dinner that night. Over the years, I slowly adjusted, but it was a constant struggle. Every time I ordered burgers through drive-thru's and requested no cheese, 70% of the time, the order was fudged and I’d have cheese. I would get so depressed; I would rebel by not eating. My friends always felt so sorry, everyone would offer to go get something else for me or gave me their foods. (I was so dramatical back then...). Seriously, you don't realize just how much dairy is in foods. Try to go 2 days without eating dairy. Better yet, give it up for lent!

So, most people that are lactose intolerant just have diarrhea or flatulence or constipation. I WISHED those were my symptoms, but God has a sense of humor and knows my tolerance of pain is pretty high. My pain felt like all of a sudden someone took a hold of my guts and just started wringing them out. I would all of a sudden feel like my entire stomach was filled with air and it was fighting it's way out through my small and large intestines like Running of the Bulls. It would last minutes to hours and my mouth would water because of the pain and I felt nauseas as fcuk. Not cool!

To this day, I still am wary of dairy foods. I can eat yogurt and sharp cheeses are safe. My symptoms have gotten better over the years and my tolerance isn’t as wimpy as before. I don’t miss drinking milk and even if I smell it, I want to barf!! It smells rotten! EEEWWWW! Certain cheeses make me gag too. I know a lot of people are LI, but I wonder if anybody has it as bad as I once did and so suddenly.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Black Love

because i went anti-valentines, I am forced to go be fair. These pics inspire love to me. Enjoy!

I wanted to put my favorite celebrity couples up, but that's a disaster waiting to happen! Though, it would be interesting to see who would still be a couple by next year's Valentine's day.
In other news... I was going to send a Happy Valentine's Day eCard to someone that is a dear friend to me. But for some reason, the computer kept freezing. So I got about 5 minutes chance to rethink my actions and i realized just how bad that would have looked. It just seemed so innocent in my head. But I'm grateful for that cockblock. Thanks God!!


Happy Valentine's Day!

and for those that despise Feb. 14,

Happy Anti-Valentine's Day!

I'm not against it, but these are pretty funny so enjoy!!

My Hair

My hair has reached it's expiration date! I need to wash it, like seriously cuz it's just sticking every which-a-way. Too much gunk has accumilated for it to even want to cooperate with a comb. Seems like the brush is my enemy now a days.

I was supposed to wash it on Monday, no later than Tuesday, but because of that stupid Ice storm weather, i didn't get home on Tuesday until 8:00 at night. I left at 5pm and I got to work at 7:30am. So, to do the math, i worked 9 1/2 hours that day, sat in traffic for about 2 1/2 hours, did about 30 minutes of shopping at DSW just to let the traffic clear up a bit. All that equals me being pooped and not wanting to do shit.

Then last night, I had every intention of doing my hair, but if you look at yesterdays post, you will notice that i got busy watching reality tv. Then Ghost Hunters came on which i have NO BUSINESS watching!! I was so lazy that I didn't even take off my coat, scarf, work clothes!

So today, I combed it back (uuuuugggggghhhhH) it looks pitiful and dirty, but i work with white people, so they can't tell the difference anyways, thank GOD! Everytime I go to the bathroom and take a glimpse of my hair, I say "Wow!!" it's a reflex, I can't help it! It's just that bad looking!!! I tried putting on earings and some extra makeup to compensate for the attrocious hair. I'm not fooling anybody cuz I'm not fooling myself!!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

It could happen.

I was watching the show True Life and a gay guy hit on a straight girl so he could look straight. I just thought about what went through her mind when MTV played this episode and she saw it. I figured I'd just run with it. Enjoy!!

I went out to the club with my girls one weekend. I was feeling really good about Friday night! It was a rough week and everything that could have came up or went wrong, yeah, you guessed it! It happened. My friends and I promised ourselves that we would de-stress and have a great time!

So to celebrate the night, I put on that outfit I bought a couple weekends ago with my lunch money for next month (guilty pleasure, but it was so cute!!) I'm smelling good! I spritzed on some of my favorite perfume "The One" by Dolce. Yummy if I may say so myself!! Got the mani and pedi on Monday, so check that off the list. Just got the Benz (okay, Acura, with the heart of a Benz) washed after work, so I'm good to go! We are ready to cut up!!

We get in the club, of course it's packed, the D.J. is spinning all my favorite songs and I am feeling good. The more I dance, the less I remember about the stress at work. What can make the night even better?? Someone that actually looks decent is trying to holler! Um, no ring on his finger, he's not too tipsy and he doesn't smell like weed! Let's see how the convo is...

I must be putting off some positive vibes cuz he seems to be straight for what it's worth. We exchange numbers after some strained conversation by the bar. Let's face it: nobody really can hear each other that well, but thank goodness for Blackberrys!

So, the rest of my weekend was relaxing! I just cleaned up a bit, took a well-deserved and past due bubble bath, and blogged a little bit. But for some reason, I felt like i was forgetting something. I was talking to my baby cousin about my friday night out; that 17 year old has to live through someone!

As I was giving her blow by blow detail about the catfight that erupted in the bathroom, I then realized what was in the back of my head: the mysterious potential-date I exchanged numbers with! I am not one to call a man first! Call me crazy if you want, but the way I figure, some guys just collect numbers for an ego boost. Plus he asked me for my number so if he's interested like he implied, he'll call. So I put it out of my mind.

About a couple months go by and I am sitting lazily on my couch watching MTV. I am a reality TV junkie by the way! Love it! I've seen almost every episode of the good ones and I'm saving Flavor of Love 15 for my desperate moments lol! I have standards! But not too many! I am actually kind of shocked that I missed an episode of Real Life, you know the reality show that chronicles a certain aspect of young Americans lives. A couple of my favorites are "I Have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" and "I'm Happy to be Fat". Random, I know, but enjoyable none the less.

This episode, "I Live A Double Life", it's good so far. That Anna Nicole Smith impersonator is uncanny! She does look and act like Anna Nicole. Well, I guess that isn't REALLY a big feat lol!! Oh, goodie! Commercial is on, and I have the munchies! Let me go get some ice cream! By the way I've got great news for all you Lactose Intolerant peoples like me. Breyer's makes Lactose-free ice cream! Yay! but it's only in Vanilla. Boo.

So back to the show. As I sit down to satisfy my reality fix I see a guy on the show that looks awfully familiar! He's in his living room with his best friend that happens to be a girl. I have no clue what his secret life is YET, but he sounds gay. Maybe he's secretly a gay porn star! But who is he and why does he look so familiar! he is cute... CUTE! Oh, and he has a beautiful smile! OMG! That smile! That's that dude from the club!!!

He's gay? And his double life is that he acts straight??!! OMG why the fcuk did he ask for my number? Ih, I guess to act like he's not gay around his friends. I cannot believe this! I feel like telling everyone just to embarass him, but he's already on TV... uuugh! I don't even wannna talk to my girl about this, cuz what type of girl gets hit on by the gay guy! Fcuking asshole! It's not even that serious!


My Secrets

I love

It gives me a way to connect with people on a deeper level than I ever could with my closest friend or even my mother. There is a comfort in anonymity that I take for granted at that site. I will try and step out of my comfort zone a little bit by sharing some of my secrets with you. You may not know me personally, but you can at least put a face to a secret which makes me a little uncomfortable.

Secret 1:
I wear make-up at work, not because I think I need it but because I want to relate to my female coworkers.

Secret 2:
I've picked up the bad habit of thinking like a victim, like everything happens to me... woe is me. And I don't know how to get back to normal.

Secret 3:
I am a short-term compulsive/addicting personality. I get extremely passionate about things and then abandon the whole idea days or weeks later. This is why I have a hard time staying consistent and I'm afraid people think I'm a flake.

Secret 4:
I want to punch people in the face for looking at my computer screen at work. I loathe nosey people.

Secret 5:
I want to delete my MySpace account, but I'm afraid that nobody will notice.

Secret 6:
I hate being home for too long, but when I'm away, all I want to do is be home.

Secret 7:
I don't naturally smile because smiles attract people and I am usually happier when I'm alone.
Am I weird, lol?

Friday, February 08, 2008

If I could turn back the hands of time.

I look back at the 70s with a longing fascination. When did we get so serious as a nation? I would have loved to be. Just to be alive during that time. i wonder who I would be.

(I guess because I'm black it would be a totally different experience than what my mind imagines, but that's so NOT the point!)

I feel that I wasn't born in the right generation. My personality doesn't match the 90s or 2000s. I feel like just by me trying to fit into todays world, I am stifling my own creativity and potential because I am using most of my energy just to keep up. With the job, the clothes, the hair, the maintenance of being normal in the present.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

To David #1


Why exactly are u tryna get inside my mind?
I'll tell u 1 thing: u might not like what u find.

My head is like an onion and NOT cuz it stinks
But cuz it’s wrapped so tight in layers like a rich lady in her mink.

If I, against my better judgment, let u inside,
There'd be no sacred spot or quiet place for my thoughts to hide.

Let's say I give you the key to the entry to my soul;
(Cuz that key works for my mind; 2gether they make me whole.)

And you come upon a part of me I've never shared b4,
My heart would break for the 1st time. It won't be pure anymore.

You see, I’m afraid no one’s gentle enuf to handle my soul,
yet strong enuf to stick with me till our bodies both grow old.

I know it sounds as if I was meant to be alone.
I'd rather be by myself than give my heart out as a loan.

Something will lack in the original luster when you're done with lease.
I'll check the inventory of my mind & soul and see you've kept a piece.

That piece you’ve kept for yourself will never grow back;
Cuz when I share my mind & soul, I take from me to build u where u lack.

You'll probably be greedy and take more than u need;
With no 1st thought to my well-being, no 2nd to reciprocity.

So now you've read the warning sign attached to my mind,
Are u man enuf to be with me? I'm one of a kind.

So now you've read the warning sign attached to my soul,
Will u b there thru thick & thin, my hand you'll always hold?

If it's too much, I understand. I'll gladly be alone
And be whole, than be used by u, borrowed on a loan.

Now that u know what's going on in my busy mind,
Are you more confused than when u started or do you like what you find?

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Remember me? We met on Friday.

Hi Mister Man, we met last Friday. We hadn't even been formally introduced! lol, i really don't talk to strangers that often, so this is kind of odd. Especially because you turned out to be my guardian angel.

I just wanted to say thank you!! Thank you for the free vouchers of alcohol on my flight from DC to ATL. That was a god-send! I was one of the last people off the plane because, well, remember when you told me to change seats to get closer to Business class? My luggage was already packed in the back and you know people aren't polite on planes. So i was stuck in the back and didn't get a chance to see you again.

Even when I got off, I looked for you, just to thank you! But I guess that would have ruined the charm. "I appreciate it! Thank u baby " (spoken in my best grandma voice)

Anyways, while I'm at it, let me address the flight attendant: Hi Miss Lady. I'm sorry about that little confusion that we had on the plane. Believe you me, I meant no disrespect! I know you told me to turn off my phone and I did, but I switched it to "airplane Mode". I know it hurt your feelings in front of all those people when I backtalked you the second time you asked.

I'm sure I added insult to injury when i stuck my phone in your face for you to verify that it was infact in airplane mode. Sorry about that! I was a little tipsy and antsy cuz I didn't get a call I was waiting on.

Alcohol + Stress = I don't give a fcuk attitude.

But I figured you flight attendant people would know about airplane mode on phones! I'll explain it to you now: the phone turns on without no transmissions or signals. It doesn't search for a signal or anything. You can't call out, send text, receive calls. It's pretty useless, except that I was typing notes that I had to get out of my head. You see, I have a short-term memory problem sometimes.

One more.

Hi there Mr White Guy. I'm happy we talked. I don't remember your name and I imagine you don't remember mine. Thanks for the convo, except when you started talking about strip clubs. I think you talk to attractive women you dont know so you can get your jollies. I don't appreciate you for testing the waters of our talk but I don't blame you for trying. You aren't the first and you certainly won't be the last. You may have gotten some naughty dirty confessions out of me if
a) you were single, 10 years yonger and
b) we were somewhere that like 50 people ARENT within ear shot of.

Nonetheless, thanks for getting that Heineken so i wouldn't have to drink my wine alone. And thank you for not following me around after we got off the plane. I know we could talk for hours about nothing; I have that gift. But there is a thin line between sane and wacko! Hope you enjoyed the game and took the Victoria's Secret Superbowl commercial to heart with your loving wife. Have a good life!

Morning Meeting Minutes

Every morning, my contract has a meeting. The half-important people bring up the tasks that need to be done in the coming hours or days. It's pretty boring and nothing ever pertains to me. Plus, I read between the lines a lot. I know they say one thing and mean another because, well, this is the corporate world. We must be politically correct. Well, I turned on my BLUF radar and this is what I came up with. (BLUF stands for Bottom Line Up Front. KISS: Keep it simple stupid and all those other catchy phrases apply here as well. Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining.. you get it).

Names have been changed to protect (NOT the identity of them) my livelihood. If someone at work read this, i'd be fired in one quick Morning Meeting Minute!!

-Trevor talks a lot at work because he has a small… package and his wife makes fun of him for it. Overcompensation theory. Just my assumption.

-Denzel picks his scabs on his face because he is an anxious fellow. Probably afraid that someone will see his bra through the buttons in his shirt. Another assumption.

-Morris C. is leaving. Probably not enuf beans from Synergy Inc. I’d go to the competition too. If we were in a gang in the skreets, I would help jump him out (out of love, of course). I would give him extra punches and kicks, you know like birthday punches. The punch in the neck is for good luck. The kick in the anus for bad luck.

-Brad is gone. That’s what happens when your father-in-law is an officer in the Russian Army.

-Synergy Inc. blows goat. Mr Boss Man (hereby known as MBM) has announced that there will be vigorous and aggressive training for techs and ops so that when we don’t get the contract, we will have very competitive resumes. (my theory is that no one can be salty if they decide to stay till the end like the Titanic. They can’t blame Synergy Inc. for not trying to assist. That way MBM and management will be able to sleep at night.)

-MBM also said he will get more people to Commercial Drivers Lisence course so that if we find ourselves without a job next week we could at least drive trucks. Real talk. I didn’t make that one up, though I would LOVE to say I did. For some reason it’s not as funny coming out of his mouth. Truth sometimes hurts.

-The numbers of annoying child molesters have diminished at our satellite site because our sister company Synergy ltd. had to drop 30% of their employees. Good bye Col. Sanders et all other funny-looking characters.

-Wanda is still vigilant in her Security mean-Nun ways. I am proud of her and a little jealous that she has something to keep her so busy and employed! (Cuz you know we are walking security violations!) Did you know that it is a security violation to go to the embassy WITHOUT filling out a foreign contact form? It makes sense, but craziness nonetheless. Lots of hen-picking, but what do I know?

-Glinda got de-promoted, ha ha! While MBM was letting us be aware of some leadership positions, he explained that she does the schedule… anything else, MBM? I think you forgot coffee runner! Add that to your resume, G. She better start looking up “barrister” on hotjobs.

-Don’t sleep with earings on no matter how lazy you are. You will wake up with cuts behind your ears and think they are pimples :-(.


Friday, February 01, 2008

What is malaise?

Whatever it is I think I have it!


What's worst than a cold? An almost cold! I have been stuck in limbo since Tuesday! and I can't seem to get back to normal. My mojo is GONE! Im so sleepy and sick feeling. Just imagine having to sneeze but it won't come out. Now spread that over4 days!

Just a thought...

Why do most people have a deep-seated concern of what people think? I understand most people do but some people resist the urge and do whatever the hell they want. Here's my theory on why we are like this:

It's ingrained in us as humans to be this way so we won't stray too far from the middle. We need to be alike so that we can relate. And relating leads to relations, which leads to procreation. So, we do it for the greater good of the human race.