Self-destruction

I gave up sex a couple years back. I was successful except the time that I slipped with Me-me, but he was worth it. And although we would have been fine without the sex, I got greedy. And I do regret anything I've done that made him feel bad about himself or me or the situation. I can't have intimacy without penetration. Anyways, back to sex...

I gave up sex for many reasons, but mainly cuz of the mentality I was in. My mentality was self-destructive. Self destructive because I didn't want commitment and I allowed myself to be desensitized with the people I was with. I didn't have too much compassion or respect for the people I had sex with. Two things wrong with that! I felt disgusted that I could treat people that way! Why do I want to be near anyone that I don't respect? I actually looked down on a couple of the guys and that's not me. Secondly, if I viewed them like that, then i know they felt the same way. I never associate myself with people that dont respect me.

So, now that I'm back to square one and single (for real) I am thinking about being that self-destructive self again. Maybe revisiting it. THe only problem with it is I know i will regret it. Maybe this is who I am. I'm confused.