Thursday, May 13, 2010

drive for 45 minutes to work with no radio.

Bad things happen. It just does. I have been experiencing great joy as well as sorrow and despair all in a day. God, bless me with the heart and strength to survive it all.

I drove to work today. The sky was slowly awakening, grey and barely illuminated. It was a blanket over the roads, the sky scrapers, the trees, the houses, the freeways and bypasses.

I was instantly transformed to my childhood several realities and ages in one space: where I was that very moment. Nature all around, me in my head, dawn awakening, cloudy morning, moving forward in a vehicle... all of a sudden those constants were the string that held my memories and emotions together all these years. I recall such a joy I had to just be. Be in the moment as a kid looking out the bus window watching everything go by so quickly. Everything before my eyes just whizzed by into a big blur. Wow, how much indescribable joy to be able to watch the powerlines race the train you were riding.

Looking back, i remember going places with the family but actually remember the act of going places. I would look out the window and watch the sun with utter delight race me home in the car. I would press my face against the window trying to feel its warmth as the sun was slowly setting. I would look out for hours, a little sad when trees would separate the two of us. But relieved when there would be a break and the sun was shining full force.

It was so simple then, and I can get it back now. It was so simple and pure and beautiful and loving and natural it makes me want to cry. It was a world I shared with noone. Just me and the sun, my best friend, my love.

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