Sunday, May 23, 2010

Black: emotional protection, balance of emotional detatchment

I was going to see pups after church one day but decided to go check out a helt foods store. Well, they had flower essences and a lady working there was able to talk to me about it. I was in the process of reading the book The One-Day Detox Diet and it had those things in the back. Weird place for that, and I had no idea what it was. Considering I just came back from church, I was well aware of people around me and being mindful of negative things and people. I was watching out for it and knew where it was so I avoided it if I could. Sometimes curiosity will make me stay so here’s a situation I ran into that had me feeling very depleted of being around people and thus vulnerable for any other attacks.

The lady at the store looked at my cross, watched me, and kept touching my arm when we talked. But because of her willingness to put out extra information than I asked, I was aware that she was trying to get on my good side, or make friendly with me so I could warm up to her. I am learning to warm up to people without my emotions having to feel their emotions. But as soon as she came up to me, wanting to be extra nice, I was defensive. This is what made me pay attention to her more, without really caring how it went. And with her, I thought about how detached I was. She was talking and what I did was stop, take myself out of the “me and her” conversation and looked around the store mentally. I mentally checked out of the conversation on certain occasions, still listening to what she was saying. She was trying to get something out of me. She was doing this by giving me tons of useful education and insider tips on the flowers. Most people say that maybe she was doing her job, but she was “flirting” with me, per se… I told her about how I knew nothing about the essences and she explained to me some things. The fact is I don’t know any thing about that stuff. I feel that Jesus, my spirituality knows when something is off. I don’t know if those essences are used and in what capacity. I know God created flowers. But I can say the same thing about weed, and other medicines. People abuse things all the time. But at the same time, I drink flowers ALL DAY! So maybe I am abusing flowers, just not the ones that they sell in those bottles.

She checked out my chain: my gold Cross that grandma gave me, and I caught her on the side of my eye. I saw this because her gaze at it was very purposeful. She, like men trying to get a good glance at your chest or ass, waited until I turned my head away from her (which I did on purpose) then when I slowly turned my head back to her, her eyes immediately looked back up into my face. So who cares that you are checking out my necklace? Why be so secretive? She was looking everywhere else on my face and body while I talked to her when we first met. (kind of like what I do when I meet people). Anyway, her necklace was a black stone. Now it was pretty if it was just a normal necklace, but the important glare she made with my necklace made me feel that her necklace meant a lot more to her. It made me wonder: What kind of person would represent themselves with a black stone by their heart? And I am sure most people would say that it’s just a necklace, but we can say the same thing about random people, average people, But this lady is very sensitive to her surroundings, environment, and her affect on people. Here’s what I know about her: She knows she is influential and for her age (about 65, though she acted as if she was 22) and to be dabbling so much into things that are of psychic and empathic nature, she knows what feelings can be gleaned through the black stone. Even if I don’t, I know she does. She is manipulative and doesn’t care who knows because she was telling me that she uses things on her boss. She sprays certain essences in the air for him to feel and smell and to change his attitude. I won’t say she is evil or bad. I did not get that from her. That is the good thing. I did not feel like she was a bad energy, just a strong psychic energy that was penetrating and a little to curious.

So anyway, I explained to her that I didn’t see the difference of alchemy all that bad stuff and flower essence and she gave me (with a naughty look on her face) a book recommendation, which I did not want to read because it didn’t sound good. The thing is I explained to her my disdain for the bad ways and she decides to suggest a book about a girl that… not always did good. That was the first thing she did, try to give advice on what someone doesn’t want to hear. Something that goes against what they said they didn’t like. She was constantly touching me too, throughout the conversation. At the end, I left and went to see the puppies and I was so put off by it that I had to look at them and left. I was so in tune with the negative mother with her indifferent children and husband that I had to go. I went home, and I think I talked to Vanessa after that but I was feeling uneasy and uncomfortable. Just tired and not right feeling.

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