i dont know. i think i just cant blame someone else for my actions, which is partially what i did. I mean i warned expressedly. the intentions of warning him were because I really thought this time it would be different. the thing is i wasn't the different factor either. I cant expect ppl to be different if I keep testing everyone with the same test. The blessing in this is the lesson I am learning is that we are all predictable. We all have the same human urges. And despite it all, i am putting people through tests that can never be won. unintentionally I am asking to specific of a question. that question may not even be fair to ask. I gotta look at it like how i want someone to treat me with a mix of respect for all races with a blend of how they want to.
i hatebeing all over hte place. i feel better that im talking to him. thats that.