Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Morning Meeting Minutes

Every morning, my contract has a meeting. The half-important people bring up the tasks that need to be done in the coming hours or days. It's pretty boring and nothing ever pertains to me. Plus, I read between the lines a lot. I know they say one thing and mean another because, well, this is the corporate world. We must be politically correct. Well, I turned on my BLUF radar and this is what I came up with. (BLUF stands for Bottom Line Up Front. KISS: Keep it simple stupid and all those other catchy phrases apply here as well. Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining.. you get it).

Names have been changed to protect (NOT the identity of them) my livelihood. If someone at work read this, i'd be fired in one quick Morning Meeting Minute!!

-Trevor talks a lot at work because he has a small… package and his wife makes fun of him for it. Overcompensation theory. Just my assumption.

-Denzel picks his scabs on his face because he is an anxious fellow. Probably afraid that someone will see his bra through the buttons in his shirt. Another assumption.

-Morris C. is leaving. Probably not enuf beans from Synergy Inc. I’d go to the competition too. If we were in a gang in the skreets, I would help jump him out (out of love, of course). I would give him extra punches and kicks, you know like birthday punches. The punch in the neck is for good luck. The kick in the anus for bad luck.

-Brad is gone. That’s what happens when your father-in-law is an officer in the Russian Army.

-Synergy Inc. blows goat. Mr Boss Man (hereby known as MBM) has announced that there will be vigorous and aggressive training for techs and ops so that when we don’t get the contract, we will have very competitive resumes. (my theory is that no one can be salty if they decide to stay till the end like the Titanic. They can’t blame Synergy Inc. for not trying to assist. That way MBM and management will be able to sleep at night.)

-MBM also said he will get more people to Commercial Drivers Lisence course so that if we find ourselves without a job next week we could at least drive trucks. Real talk. I didn’t make that one up, though I would LOVE to say I did. For some reason it’s not as funny coming out of his mouth. Truth sometimes hurts.

-The numbers of annoying child molesters have diminished at our satellite site because our sister company Synergy ltd. had to drop 30% of their employees. Good bye Col. Sanders et all other funny-looking characters.

-Wanda is still vigilant in her Security mean-Nun ways. I am proud of her and a little jealous that she has something to keep her so busy and employed! (Cuz you know we are walking security violations!) Did you know that it is a security violation to go to the embassy WITHOUT filling out a foreign contact form? It makes sense, but craziness nonetheless. Lots of hen-picking, but what do I know?

-Glinda got de-promoted, ha ha! While MBM was letting us be aware of some leadership positions, he explained that she does the schedule… anything else, MBM? I think you forgot coffee runner! Add that to your resume, G. She better start looking up “barrister” on hotjobs.

-Don’t sleep with earings on no matter how lazy you are. You will wake up with cuts behind your ears and think they are pimples :-(.


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