Thursday, December 21, 2006

wh...wh...who's there???

There is something seriously wrong with me! I'm convinced! I just may need counseling to get over this "thing" I have. I am 100%, without a doubt, a para-noid. There's no word to describe me but to say that I possess the essence of the word. Eau de paranoid. And u know the bad thing: there's nothing in my past or childhood that warrants my behaviors (i'll get into it a little later on). Seriously though, I've been blessed enough not to be raped, chased down by a mob, or mugged on the street. I was raised in Brooklyn, New York and attended a junior high school where the 1st floor of the school was off limits to anyone with a 'do that resembled jheri curls (lets just say flame-on.) You never wanted to keep pyour back to anyone because, well u might be missing a ponytail, or your jansport might be ripped off your back. Hey, that kind of stuff just happened. Not too serious!

Anyways, i dont see how that would make me as anxious as I am now when I find myself walking alone! It's like at night when I get off work and I gotta walk back to my room, maybe a 5 minute walk. Piece of cake. Okay, now you've seen Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Remember when Jessica Biel was running for her life with the masked dude like 10 steps behind her? That's me. Oh, except there's no man, and i'm walking in an open field. And THERE IS NOONE BEHIND ME!! But I always feel like there is! I'm constantly looking at shadows to see if that guy thats been following me is nearby... Sometimes I even get bold enuf to turn around and face him. You know what? No one... surprised, huh? I even have a knife on me. I once made the mistake of telling a co-worker that I carry it with me everywhere. He couldnt figure out why and there was nothing I could say to make him understand. Because I already know im crazy, explaining it would just make me look even crazier...

So that's not the worst of it!! I'm horrible at work. I sit in an office with 3-6 other people at any given time. Why, oh tell me why, is it that everytime somebody gets behind me, i look at them like: So, you DO want to be shanked is what you're saying??" I just dont like it when someone gets behind my chair and remains there longer than the 5 seconds it takes for them to keep it moving. Oh, did I mention that the phone is behind me? Yeah I let them talk, but if they just sitting there and aint calling someone, then i almost ALWAYS turn around to see whats wrong. Oh, i failed to divulge that the food pantry/shelf is behind me too! Oh, well, I mean how hungry are you? And do you have to stand there for 5 minutes tryng to figure out what u want? And NO if u keep staring, that stale popcorn is NOT gonna turn into some bbQ spare ribs (mmmmm mudbutt...) ive already tried it and it dont work, now MOVE!

The good thing about the guys that I work with is that they dont pay me ANY mind!! In fact, i dont even think they caught on as to exactly how paranoid I am!! i mean if only they knew, they could give me a heart-attack. Easy! I mean all it takes is a tap on my shoulder and u gotta peal me off the moon, let alone the ceiling. I am at their mercy until I realize there is no Boogey Man, candy man, Freddy, or whoever your childhood monster was. Because there definitely isnt anyone following me! Dag, i need help.... Pray for me!

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