Monday, October 26, 2009

Don't attack me because I dont want you!

When I was younger, a stranger observing me felt it in his heart to tell me i was a flirt, a tease and I would get unwanted attention based off of how I acted (even though I was shy and barely talked to anyone). I was hurt, disillusioned and disgusted with myself! I felt dirty and ashamed because I was portraying myself to be someone I wasn't. I didn't want sex from the opposite sex. Just attention, a boyfriend to go steady, or a good friend. I changed some things about me after that. i was obviously confused about the male population and how they see me. I don't judge that stranger. I don't even dare to claim understanding of that random-ass conversation. I'm just stating that it happened.

I was assaulted a few weeks back. The physical assault which boils down to unwanted touching wasn't even an issue, but I reported the whole thing under that pretense because it is more concrete evidence. I was spiritually assaulted and my character was attacked. No, i am not dramatic. I encountered a sociopath, pure evil that set his sights on me and sought me out. I was unscathed because I have my holy spirit guiding me.

Even when I encountered this evil man, I was acting in a manner FAR removed from my old self. I was professional, respectful, business-minded, courteous, inquisitive, positive and embracing. I still received unwanted attention. Maybe it was my looks. Maybe the way I walked or how my face is expressive.

The question is when is it going to be the man's fault for his actions?

Certain men will be disrespectful regardless of the way women act. If he has an agenda, he will do whatever he wants to get his way or his point across. It doesn't matter if she was attractive, flirting, minding her business, or whatever. Did that stranger think that if I got raped (God-forbid) that it was my fault because I was born into my sex? I have throughout the years attempted to mold and manipulate my behaviors to seem less attractive to the opposite sex so that I don't look like a tease or make guys come on to me.

I am not independent. I am self-sufficient.
I don't talk too much. I am expressive and enthusiastic.
I am not head-strong. I just don't take bad advice.
I am not prissy. I know what I want and it's not you.

All these things show that I am secure with myself and I have a healthy self-esteem.

When men want their women a little insecure its because the woman looks to others for strength. They are needy and have a tendency to always rely on others to assist them. This is something some insecure and weak-minded men need in their women because they haven't found healthy ways to maintain their ego or gain respect. They are lacking so they seek it out in the wrong way.

I don't date insecure men. I will not be there to stroke your ego. Yes, I need a strong man if that's the word you want to use.

Strong: having moral or intellectual power; not easily upset or nauseated.
What I want is a stalwart man.

Stalwart: unshakable dependability.

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