they say make lemonade when life gives you lemons.
what happens when you hate lemonade, lemon tart, lemon pie, lemon meringue , lemon candy, lemon jello, lemon juice?

What happens when all the advice you get is so past where you are you feel pathetic for rejecting the good advice your friends are trying to tell you? why?

im not there yet. it will be a very long time for me to get to the fact that i am going to miss my mom, my sister's family, my dad, my grandma, my relationship with mmy grandpa, and the stability that comes with a solid structure of a family regardless of how dysfunctional it is.

God I pray you shake me out of this i am stuck in. this is not me nor do I want to spend another second like this. it is sickeningly comfortable and yet itchy like a snake ready to shed. I have overgrown it and am ready to get to life as the blank slate it is. all I have is my past and the thoughts of the present and my dreams of the future. Please guide me in the right direction. I dont know it all. I dont want to make things worse because life is already tumultuous. One more rock and the boat will flip. Tomorrow whend I wake, dear Lord, guide me in the right path to take care of me. Please allow me to open my heart to let in more people that are willing and able to take care of me like I take care of my friends. I need a mentor, a mother, a grandmother and cannot imagine life without someone there to be proud of my endeavors and achievements like they were. God I thank you for my grandfather. I love him and am blessed to have him in my life. Amen.